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The Joys Of Being Single
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Written by (Guest Writers)   
Thursday, 29 November 2007 00:00

This guest article was written by ebelle

I haven’t been entirely single in over 12 years.

This is the first time that a relationship has ended for me without another one looming in the distance. When the full impact of my newfound singlehood finally hit me 6 weeks after our breakup, I was devastated and lost. However, now that I have finally accepted the fact that we are not going to be getting back together, a whole new world of possibilities has opened up.

So, what is so great about being single?

From www.dictionary.com

single [sing-guhl]

4. unmarried: a single man.
5. pertaining to the unmarried state: the single life.


It’s not such a bad thing being single, because it simply means I’m not married. I’m not alone, because there are many other single people out there. Or are there?

With the vast amounts of dating websites available on the market, I found myself venturing onto websites such as Fridae and Sayoni Forums to make more friends. The objective was to keep myself occupied after the failure of my relationship and at the same time, find out more about the local lesbian dating scene.

In my quest to discover what all the fabulously single lesbian women do with their time, I ventured into gatherings and social settings where I could make connections with people.

Being entirely new to the scene, I was initially fairly afraid and intimidated by the idea of plunging myself head first into this new world. Watching too much of the L Word has made me a bit wary of “Classic Lesbian Syndrome” (CLS) and I was determined not to fall prey to that.

I’ve since discovered that CLS is very much apparent in the local scene and the horror stories I have heard from some of my new friends, plus my own recent experience, has made me very careful on who I go out with and what kind of expectations they may have.

For those who have no idea what I mean, I will list just some of the CLS symptoms:

  1. Having sex on the first date. Some call it ‘test-driving’.
  2. After said sexual activity, immediately plunging into a relationship. Apparently, it is because one or both parties feel that once you have sex, you need to have a relationship.
  3. Moving in together within a week or two. Sometimes it is within 24 hours and you realise that it is easy to move in, but incredibly hard to move out.
  4. Multiple breakups or various other dramas that involve alot of tears, vows of un-dying love and sometimes even a threat or two. This is just so that lesbians can prove to the world that they are very much in love or being loved.
  5. Clinging onto a relationship, even after it has clearly failed, until someone better comes along. The fear of being alone is far greater than the fear of any abuse current partner will inflict.

With a clear idea of what to avoid, I slowly let myself into the circle and allowed myself to soak in this new community. Somehow it worked and I found myself going out on pseudo-dates with my new friends. The experience has been liberating! Movies, waffles, partying and dancing! All the things I used to do but never seemed to have time for until recently.

Given the amount of fun I’ve had over the past 2 weeks, I’ve finally realised that I do not have to be one half of a couple to enjoy life. Life can be appreciated with a group of friends, or even with individuals whom you have only just met. The exciting part about it is you don’t know what you are in for. It is extremely fulfilling because I find myself being exposed to different people and different mindsets.

I suppose that most people go on dates in their quest to find the perfect mate, partner, girlfriend, wife, etc. For me, it has been more of getting to know more people and in the process, discovering details about myself as well. I don’t know what I am looking for, but I do know I want to enjoy myself and have fun in the process.

At this point, I don’t prefer a particular “type” and I’ve been attracted to a variety of women; some because of how smart they are, others because of how humorous they are. There are so many feel-good factors for me, including how caring, how interesting and how entertaining each person can be.

It’s almost like I am shopping for a new bag. I go around looking at different bags within a different price range. Most of the time, I generally have what I want in mind, but it’s not always that simple to make a choice. And I refuse to settle for second best. I must have a bag which is perfect. If not, I would rather not buy the bag. It doesn’t matter how much the bag costs, as long as it suits me, I will work hard to get it.

So I guess, I am shopping right now. Anyone else wants to go shopping with me?

Last Updated on Tuesday, 16 February 2010 23:37
 

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# victoriasecret 2010-02-02 02:14
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victoriasecret said,

November 30, 2007 at 10:13 pm

it is really hard for me to comprehend as someone who:
“haven�t been entirely attached in over 12 years”
-_-’

But i really enjoy singlehood :D . I can do many things and practically do not have to think of the other half. It is hard to break the status quo
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# victodreamin away 2010-02-02 02:14
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dreamin' away said,

December 5, 2007 at 1:00 pm

totally see accuracy in the CLS model you have. it’s a model that is so easy to fall into.

nah, a new handbag is not what you need right now. try out the environment bags that’s available from environment-friendly stores.

have fun meeting people and making choice connections !
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# misanthrope 2010-02-02 02:14
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misanthrope said,

December 26, 2007 at 10:34 pm

any tips for people like me who can’t emotionally connect to people easily and who doesn’t usually like people? i could never do CLS as described above because i need to know the person inside out first (that means years of prior acquaintance). shopping not too easy that way :P
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# uma 2010-02-02 02:14
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uma said,

January 14, 2008 at 1:22 am

Single life isn’t that bad, but having someone is better.
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# Ebellle 2010-02-02 02:14
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Ebelle said,

January 18, 2008 at 5:54 pm

A lesbian relationship doesn’t always have to be CLS.

One of the main things we need to understand is that each person approaches another person differently. There is no formula for getting to know people and there is no “Right” way. If you find it hard to get close to people, then perhaps the best thing you could do is get out more. Open yourself more. Allow yourself to be drawn into friendship and stop thinking about the “What Ifs” but focusing on enjoying the moments. One of the first ways would be to join some of the Sayoni gatherings and realise that you can allow yourself to have fun in a group. It doesn’t have to always be about a certain individual or person. Meaningful connections can still be formed this way.

As for singlehood vs couplehood, each has its own good points. No one is saying one is better than the other. It is just important not to be so focused on having either that we forget the reason why we want or don’t want to be with a person in the first place.

Enjoy life, take time to smell the roses and allow good things to come naturally :)

If that fails, you can always go shopping for a new pair of shoes! ;)
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# Ssouthpark 2010-02-02 02:15
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Southpark said,

May 11, 2009 at 1:12 am

Interesting post… It has been more than a year since… and I hope you have found the bag that best suits you.
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