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The Crush Effect
Articles - Relationships
Written by AnJ   
Friday, 25 August 2006 00:00
If you are lesbian, then this feeling would have a 95% chance of being familiar with you: The Crush Effect.

So you are attached and past the honeymoon stage. A new girl appears in your life. (Well.. MANY new girls but this particular babe snared your attention. In some cases, you might be drawn to more than one simultaneously.) You met her over a gathering or you met her over an online forum…
She has a dazzling smile that weakens you at your knees, speaks and goes about her affairs with panache. She builds a connection that you didn’t think the two of you can have. She cares about your impending tasks. The thin line between friendship and a little beyond is skillfully straddled…

You think you like her.
You think she likes you… maybe.
And you spend days wondering if she fancies you a wee bit in that manner… eliciting smiles, interjected by frowns, stirring an odd blend of confusion and anticipation in your heart. Life seems a little less mundane.
But it falls short of pushing your current relationship into no-woman-land.

Congratulations- you are getting a dose of the Crush Effect.

The Crush Effect may not send your relationship into the dumps. Many a times, such feelings are dubbed ephemeral-and indeed many of them are- serving the purpose adding a dash of flavour to banal routines. That sudden rush of blood when you spot her from afar… you can feel your heart throbbing; that burst of excitement of seeing her at a later time in the day… a flush of happiness; that impulsive bagging of a new piece of clothing because of a friendly coffee-date in the week. It gives you an extra swing in your walk…

But the Crush Effect… can be deleterious.

It is interesting how two persons can take starkly different experiences from the exact same incident. When a person is stirred by the Crush Effect, salience is assigned to selective nuances that otherwise would not have… while the other party, who might not be feeling the same chemistry, is left baffled.

“She sent me an sms… which shows that she’s thinking of me… perhaps she is…”
“She said it’s her pleasure to provide company… can it be…”
“She seeks me out in the crowd to say hi… does it show that i am important to her?”
“Look at the way she smiles at me… it must be something…”
“She allows me to hold her stuff… maybe…”

Things taken out of context…
So potent.. so loud… and so misleading.
For this reason, give your friends’ related experience a big discount. For what you hear is what she takes away… it is not objective.

Ever heard of the confirming bias?
When a person believes that another likes her, happenings that agree with this would be salient and thus processed. Happenings that refute it would be discarded.
The outcome?
An intensification of the original hypothesis..
“She is darn infatuated with me!!!”

The Crush Effect…
The fuzzy feeling burning within the heart.
… You might want to keep a rein on it.


Last Updated on Thursday, 25 February 2010 17:16


# pleinelunee 2010-02-02 21:26
pleinelune said,

August 25, 2006 at 10:20 pm

Er… the crush thing is not confined to lesbians. Trust me.
# ppeggy 2010-02-02 21:26

peggy said,

August 26, 2006 at 2:25 pm

I find myself laughing heartily as i read your article…. such astute observations of the crush effect….enjoyed reading it !! : )
# mmint 2010-02-02 21:26

mint said,

August 26, 2006 at 5:51 pm

This entry surely brings back alot of memories to many. :-)
# victoria secret 2010-02-02 21:27

victoriasecret said,

August 29, 2006 at 1:08 am

hmm… no wonder i can like several ppl at the same time.

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