You are here: Home Articles Sexuality
               
Sexuality
"Open your doors and let us in"
Articles - Sexuality
Friday, 27 June 2014 03:51

open your doors

This article is written by badriah and is reproduced with permission.



Read this if you are curious about the life of a homosexual. This is based on one person's experience and should not be taken to represent everybody else out there. *SPOILER ALERT No explicit or sexual content here*

Growing up with sisters was difficult as a lesbian because there were societal boxes that we need to fit into and I was a square trying to fit into a triangle.

My sisters like to look pretty and wear their hair really nice and I felt like the ugly one. Being the only one in my family with thick tight curly hair, I could barely do much to them to feel pretty. I hated wearing dresses. I feel like I needed to always keep my knees together or was afraid that wind might blow my skirt up or something. I feel extremely comfortable and free in pants. I always felt jealous of boys because they get to wear comfortable clothes while I was forced to wear itchy, scratchy dresses.

I remember vividly wanting my mum to buy a pair of jeans. I was maybe 8 or 10? I cried and cried until my mum relented. We were at Geylang Serai. There was a bazaar so I guess it was during Ramadan. It was a pair of black Lee jeans. I was so happy when I finally got it.

The toys I loved playing with as a kid was Lego and guns. I did not get to play these things as much with my sisters as I would have loved to but when we played with them I was super happy. Once in a while I had to play Masak-Masak or play House but I only enjoyed the times when I played a more "masculine" role.

I do not identify myself as a man. I just like comfortable and practical clothes and toys that allow me to build things or just run around shooting at things. We all have preferences, I prefer guns to dolls.

Yes I have played with a doll when I was young but what I enjoyed more was not combing Barbie's hair or dressing her up in her many clothes. It was actually building a dollhouse out of cardboard boxes and making it look like a real home. Maybe that's where my dream of being an interior designer started?

Last Updated on Friday, 27 June 2014 17:17
 
Review: A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila 2 Season Premiere
Articles - Sexuality
Written by Indu   
Tuesday, 29 April 2008 03:09

Guess who’s back? That’s right, bisexual bachelorette MySpace queen Tila Tequila is back for another shot at love, this time, with 15 guys and girls each. Tila and Bobby broke up barely months after the end of the first season, Bobby not being able to handle her job and its pressures, so a broken-hearted Tila is back for another season, looking for love. Still picky, still princessy, still as gorgeous as ever.

 

 

For a change, you can watch this show free (and legally) online on the official MTV website, even if you are not in the United States. Thank you, MTV, for not pulling a ABC or Showtime.

Warning: Mild spoilers ahead! Do not read further if you don’t want to know what happened at all.

Rating:

 

The quality of contestants, looks-wise, is definitely lower this season, for both boys and girls. Interestingly, there a lot more butch/andro women among the set. Or rather, were. Most of them got eliminated in the first round, which was unfortunate because some of them were actually cute. Not as cute as Dani Campbell, though – no butch/andro can ever replace Dani. So there. Funny thing was, when 6 of the girls were eliminated, the entire cast of girls as a whole started looking a lot better. The femme girls are fairly hot, but I still miss Brandi, whom I really was wishing would come back for a second season.

The boys were here-and-there, with a weird mohawk guy thrown in for good measure. The boys also included a pair of twin brothers, one of whom got eliminated at the end of the episode. I already spotted who is likely to be this season’s Bobby – Kyle. Okay, not a spoiler, this is purely conjecture on my part, especially because I think Kyle is drop-dead-gorgeous.

Last Updated on Thursday, 25 February 2010 17:48
 
Negotiating my “bisexuality”
Articles - Sexuality
Written by AnJ   
Wednesday, 05 September 2007 03:27

A friend said to me…

“Anj, you are bisexual.”

He thinks i can swing both ways because of my past.
I once thought i was bisexual- judging from past behavior, i can be with a member of the opposite gender.
The thought lingered until i saw a more comprehensive definition of sexuality.

It’s here, in an article written quite a while back. “Preferred sexual activity” and “Preferred characteristics of sexual partners” said it all for me. I prefer women. It’s clear as day. My obsession for androgynous faces aside (which can include both genders), the most defining aspect of my sexuality is the distinct preference for female body parts. In fact, going by this definition, i can say with absolute confidence that i find the male physique unattractive. The bods in magazines, TV, everyday men… i have seen them all. The male body allures me at zilch point.

Dangle your average naked woman and average naked man before me, you will see my feet tapping steadily towards the babe.

“If you are lesbian, how can you be with guys?”

Because a relationship is not just about sex.
It’s about emotional connection as well. If i can communicate at a high frequency with a guy, spending time in his presence in myraid shared activities (e.g. movies, meals) is not unpleasant.

As i told many of my dear friends… i don’t see a difference between women and men beyond the physical. In my interactions with gals and guys, they are similar to me. [A reason why i cannot fathom male and female "energies".] The level of comfort is equal. The amount they offer in a conversation depends not on gender, but on their internal substance. You can see the same spirit or level of intellect or amount of passion… in a person, regardless of gender. As long as we don’t get into bed, i am happy interacting with both genders.

“Since you can be straight, why don’t you be straight?”

I cannot be straight.
I can force myself to behave sexually-straight at gun-point.
However, the sexual aspect of a relationship is fundamental to relationship health. As such, my preferred sexual characteristics of sexual partner is crucial to my well-being over the long term.

Thus the question is: Why should i act straight?
Why put on a facade for something that is so fundamental to my well-being… when it doesn’t hurt any other soul?

Anj is lesbian.

 
Gendered Zone
Articles - Sexuality
Written by (Guest Writers)   
Monday, 13 November 2006 00:00

I guess I can be considered “butch”. I’m usually not one for labels, but labels find their way to be attached to me anyway. This is not a post about the politics of the butch and femme dichotomy, being or not being. It’s an issue that bothers me every now and then, and lately it has just been driving me insane.

Why I said I “guess” I am butch is because while I don’t think of myself as one, other people seem to mistake me as a boy. And that’s usually fine because other strangers have no business in how I look, and my friends know who I am so it’s a non-issue. But it all stops when I step into the now much-dreaded bathroom/changeroom. Suddenly, my sexual identity becomes everyone’s business.

I’ve had plenty of encounters in the bathroom. Unfriendly stares, hostile confrontations and all. Most of the time it’s a genuine mistake — whoever gives me a hard time is the one to end up feeling embarassed when they realise that they have made a mistake, which is usually when I open my mouth to say, “um..” and my voice becomes proof that I’m not, in fact, a guy. Then I guess they look at me all over again and decide that I could look like a girl too.

Last Updated on Tuesday, 16 February 2010 17:41
 
I love, therefore I am
Articles - Sexuality
Written by lublub   
Sunday, 09 July 2006 00:00
Sexuality is a curious thing.

Over the years as my experiences grew, my thoughts on the word sexuality and what it meant to me has changed at least twice. It wasn’t just small minute changes. In fact, they were huge paradigm shifts. Quantum leaps from the ultra-conservative, to the modern, and now to the new-age.

———

When I was a younger teenager, sexuality was a scary black and white word. There was only one definition of it, and that was straight. Constructed by society and enforced by everyone around you, I tried to box myself into that definition. I didn’t even know the word ‘sexuality’ then; I just knew I was straight. Haha. Crushes on girls were anomalies too horrific to confront. I just brushed them aside into semi-consciousness. Meanwhile, I started to cultivate myself a ‘taste’ in men. When fellow classmates gushed about guys, I talked about their bodies. But I mostly avoided the subject of love if possible.

——–

Fast forward to junior college, I came out to myself and others. Suddenly, sexuality was not an anonymous aspect of self anymore. I could no longer blend my sexuality in. But instead I felt compelled to wear it on my sleeve, like a crown of thorns or a tiara, depending on how you see it. Sexuality became’ the opposite of the shadow it once was. It was now an identity.

Lublub is a science student, lublub is a Christian.. ohh, I almost forgot lublub is a lesbian! *chuckle, why do we not hear straight people proclaiming heterosexuality as part of their identity?*

As a newly-self-discovered gay person, I was proud of my sexuality. I thought of it as a unique character trait. I’m more special… because of my sexuality. Sexuality then embodied many other aspects of me, such as my beliefs in freedom of choice and non-conformity. Sexuality is me. I was lesbian before I was Chinese or anything else.

Last Updated on Thursday, 25 February 2010 17:48
 
Respect
Articles - Sexuality
Written by (Guest Writers)   
Thursday, 06 July 2006 00:00

Before I ‘discovered’ myself, I embarked on several relationships with men. Two became more serious while others were just dates that I went on. I was never unhappy with men but I was never quite complete. Something felt amiss. Like when we kissed, that spark wasn’t there. I’d often mused on this and deep down inside, I knew the reason for this. I tried really hard to supress these feelings. So much so that I was unhappy. It took me a lot to finally pluck up the courage and come out to my best friend. She is somebody I had known since I was 10. Her sms to me was simple – “It is okay. I still love you.” Then, after 5 minutes, I got another sms that said – “You’re my first gay best friend! Yay!”. I was grateful and thankful …

But I digress. So, I was talking to an ex. We keep in touch via the Internet as he is now in Canada pursuing his career. We talk regularly as regular as exes do. He is prolly the only ex bf that knows about me being with a girl. His response is always similar – that I am living out every male fantasy; to watch two girls making out would be ultra fabulous. At first, I found it amusing that he’d say that but when that statement is made again and again, I felt belittled. Did he just refer to my gf and I as a sexual fantasy?

It pains me to think that all men (straight men) think about when it comes to two girls being together is how good it’d be to get these two girls in bed. With them, mind you. How watching these two girls would ‘get them off’. Do they not realise that apart from that sexual image that is etched in their minds, there is love, trust, unity, longing for each other? All elements of a healthy relationship existing in this relationship as well?

My ex has even gone so far as to suggest a threesome. At that point, I felt like I had to put a stop to things. I told him quite gently and patiently that yes, I am going out with a girl whom I am deeply in love with and yes, perhaps it is a thought that is quite sexy and erotic in nature. However, this sexiness and eroticness is only to be kept between her and I in the bedroom or wherever else we decide to do it *grin* That I would never want to share my baby with anybody else, really. To engage in a threesome would taint the sanctity of our relationship. To engage in a threesome with an ex to satisfy his sexual fantasy would degrade my present relationship with my love.

I think people should be a little more respectful towards others. If you do that with straight people… why not with me and my girl. We deserve that same respect too.

Last Updated on Tuesday, 16 February 2010 17:03
 
Brains: Hers, His, Gay and Straight
Articles - Sexuality
Written by AnJ   
Sunday, 02 July 2006 00:00

Long ago, scientists wanted to believe that women and men have different brains.

In the 19th century, it was argued that women are dumber than men because their brains were smaller. However, this argument was quickly abandoned when the question was asked if elephants were thus smarter because of their bigger brains. Later on, it was argued that the best estimate of intelligence was by dividing the brain size by body weight. However, this was also discarded when women were found to be smarter according to this method [1]. (It might be curious to note that although men’s brains are generally bigger; they lose brain tissue three times as fast with age. Factors uncertain at this point [2].)

The quest for the link between brain size and intelligence has fizzled out. Today, research is working on how the brains are organized and how sex differences in the brain might contribute to differences in behavior. It is hypothesized that different organization of the brain is responsible for behavioral differences between men and women, as well as sexual orientation.

Let’s start with some difficulties of generalizing results of brain research:

Last Updated on Tuesday, 16 February 2010 23:56
 
Lesbian brains, lesbophobia and the path to the divine
Articles - Sexuality
Written by snorkeem   
Saturday, 20 May 2006 00:00

(Courtesy of Yawning Bread, a most respected and incisive place for countless thought-provoking and insightful articles.)

A Swedish researcher has found that lesbians’ brains respond in a way that is distinct from heterosexual men’s and women’s, to two hormone-derived chemicals. This is yet another piece of evidence that there is a biological basis to sexual orientation.

Ivanka Savic from the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm carried out the study using two chemicals.

One, labelled “AND”, is derived from progesterone and found in men’s armpit sweat. In heterosexual women, she found that sniffing this chemical triggers a response in the anterior hypothalamus of heterosexual women’s brains. This area is involved in sexual interest, lying as it does very close to the pituitary gland. In homosexual women however, AND triggers a response in another part of the brain, the olfactory region. This is the region where smells are normally processed.

The brains were imaged using positron emission tomography and magnetic resonance imaging.

What the results show is that where heterosexual women respond to a male smell in the sexual part of their brains, lesbians respond to it as just another smell. The lesbians’ response is similar to heterosexual men’s. The latter too handle AND as just another smell, in the olfactory part of their brains.

The other chemical that Savic worked with was derived from oestrogen and found in pregnant women’s urine. It was labelled “EST”.

Savic knew from earlier studies that EST produces responses in heterosexuals that are opposite to the effects of AND. In straight men’s brains, EST triggers a response in the hypothalamus (the sex area). In straight women’s brains, the response is located in the olfactory region, as just another smell.

Last Updated on Thursday, 25 February 2010 17:38
 
Labels
Articles - Sexuality
Written by AnJ   
Friday, 28 April 2006 00:00

Labels- why do you hate them?

Some people hate labels because they don’t fit into any category:
“I am not femme; andro or butch!”
“I am a little femme… a little andro, what does that make me?!”
“I behave differently at different occasions. What does that make me?”

Some people hate labels because they don’t identify with the stereotype of that category:
“I am femme BUT i am not passive DAMMIT. I wanna take control!”
“I am butch but that doesn’t mean that i want to give (in bed) and not receive!”

 

Last Updated on Tuesday, 16 February 2010 16:33
 
Bisexuality, the Curious Cat
Articles - Sexuality
Written by Indu   
Wednesday, 26 April 2006 03:29
Last week, Pleinelune examined the problems bisexuals face. In the last part of this series, she explores the nemesis of lesbians everywhere: the bicurious woman.

It is a Saturday night, and you head off to the club for a night out with the girls. After knocking back a few drinks, you notice a hot girl standing off to the corner of the bar, nervously looking around. You head over to her, ask her for a dance. During one of the slow dances, you get close... you kiss. You take her home, and give her the best sex she has ever had in her life, though it seems that she has little idea what to do.

You wake up with her the next morning, and she’s talking to her boyfriend on the phone.

Damn. The bicurious woman strikes again.

If lesbians hate bisexual women, they hate bicurious women even more, though in many quarters, bicuriousity is equated with bisexuality. *cough*Fridae*cough* To reiterate the existing stereotypes: they break lesbian hearts by the dozen, and leave them for a man with a big dick and a bigger wallet. Or worse, they grope girls in the club in order to attract attention from men.


While Pleinelune makes no judgement about the truth of these stereotypes, she has to make a crucial distinction in this discussion, as she did previously. Bicuriousity is natural, because most people are generic bisexuals [outside the range of 2.5-3.5 on the Kinsey scale]  hence they are not to be equated with true-type bisexuality.

Last Updated on Thursday, 25 February 2010 17:48
 
“Othering” the gay community
Articles - Sexuality
Written by AnJ   
Thursday, 20 April 2006 00:00

What is “othering” the community?
That means trying to make a specific group as different from oneself as much as possible. This is generally done to make oneself feel superior to another group… or to justify prosecution of another group (Note: the Aborgines and the White Australians; the colonial masters and their colonized Indian natives).

Now that’s a feat considering that homosexuals do not differ much from heterosexuals. There are many ways the homophobes try to marginalize gays and lesbians. Let’s examine some popular roll-off-their-tongues-without-thinking statements:

1. “Their lifestyle is deviant. It is against nature.”

By now, we all know that animals have same-sex activity. So it appears that homosexual lifestyle is not a man-made recent idea; a new vice among the YOUTHS. Homosexuals exist in our natural animal world. By now, we all know that animals have same-sex activity. Actually this is OLD news- I read about animals having same-sex activity about a decade ago! The news was hushed. It is detrimental to the argument that “being gay is unnatural” which is crucial to the inexorable persecution of gays in our society.

Down with the “nature argument”!

Secondly, i find the use of the word “lifestyle” inappropriate. When we talk about lifestyle, it’s a way of life! The way i see it: homosexuals ALSO go to school, work; hang out with friends; attend church; attend functions and gatherings; read books; exercise; date; establish lasting romantic and platonic relationships with people etc. Why is the gender of their partner THAT significant?

2. “If we allow homosexuality, we allow pedophiles and sex with beasts and other forms of perversion.”

Some people lump a few things together to give something a bad name. It’s a psychological trick that many fell for- association. Let me introduce a term: Goterim.

Read this: Goterim, perversion, immorality, unclean, impure.
What do you think Goterim is?
Now read this: Goterim, serenity, exuberance, purity, beauty.
What do you think Goterim is?

 

Last Updated on Tuesday, 16 February 2010 23:54
 
« StartPrev12NextEnd »

Page 1 of 2