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Written by AnJ   
Monday, 07 January 2008 00:00
Today, immediately after church, kai and i had the honor of being escorted from the overflow room to a windowless tiny ‘prayer and healing room’ by a lady usher. When i said escorted, i meant the lady usher was holding on firmly to kai and I. Pastor Matthew wanted a word with us. The well-furnished room was empty, but for the lady usher, the pastor and us.

He stood before us in a formal suit, his body tall and broad, between us and the door. The lady usher on his right, quiet and petite.

‘Hi, i am Pastor Matthew. I suppose the two of you are new?’ He shook Kai’s hand.
‘No, i am not new.’ I answered.
‘How long?’
‘I have been attending this church since 1999.’ I replied. ‘I know you, Pastor Matthew. You have been a pastor ever since i stepped in.’
‘How long have you been saved?’
‘I have been a Christian since the age of 5.’

Pastor Matthew asked me of Kai, ‘Is she a girl?’
I raised my eyebrows, ‘Is that not apparent? I am a girl too. We are both girls.’

I needed to go to the washroom since before the end of service. But held out till the end of service. So you can imagine me having a high tide. Thought i could go to the washroom first. But he stopped me. Two seconds, he said. Two seconds sounds short. Okay. I held my bladder for longer.

He mentioned our behavior i.e. leaning on shoulders and holding hands. He asked, ‘Are the two of you in a relationship?’ He elaborated- people were observing us and we are causing others to stumble through our display of affections.

I gave him a look of bewilderment, ‘How are we causing people to stumble?’ A male usher outside shut the door of our room.

‘Look at me.’ He commanded.
‘I have not taken my eyes off your face, Pastor Matthew.’ I smiled at him and moved a step to face him squarely, less than an arm’s length away.

‘Is there some kind of a relationship going on? I understand if you have challenges.’ He continued. ‘I can show you scriptures from the bible’ Are the two of you in a relationship- something more beyond friendship?’ He pressed.
I gave him a light smile.
He raised his voice, ‘I mean are the two of you in a relationship?! Why can’t you give me an answer?!’

In response to his outburst, i asked, ‘Do i owe you an answer?’

‘Yes, because you are causing people to stumble’ If there is something going on, i have to arrest it- we can pray for you, help you’’
I raised my eyebrows again. ‘All i wanted is to listen to preaching. I don’t see how i am causing others to stumble.’
‘Don’t eat meat in front of the vegetarians.’

I mulled over the sentence. And then it dawned upon me: eating meat in front of vegetarians would distress vegetarians. So i think what he’s asking for is behavior according to heterosexual norms. Okay, i think got that bit.

‘Okay, i understand. Lots of girls lean on each other’s shoulders and hold hands. I lean on lots of people’s shoulders’ next time if people ask, why don’t you just tell them that there’s nothing going on?’
He retorted, ‘Maybe i am living in the dark ages.’
‘Probably.’ I gave him a polite smile, ‘I really need to go to the washroom. Can i go now?’


She asked me, why couldn’t i just tell them we are together.
Because the ushers and other ministers would be roped into the room immediately and this session would drag for eons. It was a battle i didn’t deem worth fighting because the fight is not public and certainly not on a level platform. So if i can help it, i rather have it truncated. I didn’t want unfruitful trouble.

She asked me if i was trying to hide my sexuality.
No, i wasn’t. Because if i had told them we are only friends and there’s nothing going on, we could skip out from that windowless tiny room in two seconds. But i didn’t want to do that because that is untrue.

Am i traumatized?
No, merely angry at the way it was carried out- Escorting us firmly into the room in an aggressive manner and then trying to intimidate in manner and speech tone. It was rude to say the least.
Do i feel rejected?
No. People don’t bother me in this aspect. Christian fundamentalists once used the bible to say that inter-racial marriages are sin. Nothing human can shake my sense of His acceptance of me.

But then i gotten really mad because i saw for myself the emotional impact of such an incident on another. And that makes me angry and indignant because it reminded me of the massive number of Christian gays who had killed or hurt themselves because of rejection from church.

What kind of a beast would put a living soul through such depths of emotional turmoil and still claim to walk in love?


Last Updated on Thursday, 25 February 2010 17:04


# uma 2010-02-02 01:44
uma said,

January 8, 2008 at 11:35 pm

Thats so sad..
# uma 2010-02-02 01:45

uma said,

January 9, 2008 at 1:54 am

What’s their problem, and why do they call themselve a ‘Father’ ?! should be called Fu*kers instead err (am I allowed to cuss in here?) They treat you as if you’ve committed a crime or something, gosh hope they change for the better.
# pamina 2010-02-02 01:45

pamina said,

January 18, 2008 at 10:24 pm

sad, isnt it?
# AnJJ 2010-02-02 01:45

AnJ said,

January 19, 2008 at 10:43 am

Hey ladies,
The Spirit that we are having is not “it’s very sad that society is like that”. I was not sad, i was pissed.

The mentality that we are having is: this sucks and i ain’t going to sit back and accept it in resignation. Because it’s not sad (it’s tyranny in my opinion). And it’s not something that is going to remain unchallenged and unchanged.

They will be forced to face the fact that many gay Christians exist in the community and to review the way in which they are dealing with it. As well as how far can they go without infringing on what they taught.

And lastly, they got to accept that they are actually of little consideration for Christians who attend church solely to worship God, not catch up with friends/make new friends at the same time.
# Rrobtheshop 2010-02-02 01:45

robtheshop said,

February 21, 2008 at 9:03 pm

URGHHH. thats fucked up.

been in somewhat sim situation. hv had to listen to homophobic ranting from the pulpit in the name of gd parenting advice, & then look at all the nodding heads & ppl drinking it all in. back then all i cld do was cry.

left the church & faith couple years back, but it still deeply upsets that ppl give God such a bad name.

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