To empower queer women towards greater involvement and presence in the community
Advocacy for LBTQ women's rights at CEDAW
Sayoni was at the United Nations in Geneva in October 2017 to bring Singapore LBTQ women's issues to the forefront. The CEDAW Committee heard our concerns and raised recommendations related to LBTQ women in their Concluding Observations for the Singapore government.
Sayoni is a Singapore-based feminist, volunteer-run organisation that works to uphold human rights protections for queer women, including lesbian, bisexual and transgender women. We organise and advocate for equality in well-being and dignity regardless of sexual orientation, gender identity/expression and sex characteristics.

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Before I ‘discovered’ myself, I embarked on several relationships with men. Two became more serious while others were just dates that I went on. I was never unhappy with men but I was never quite complete. Something felt amiss. Like when we kissed, that spark wasn’t there. I’d often mused on this and deep down inside, I knew the reason for this. I tried really hard to supress these feelings. So much so that I was unhappy. It took me a lot to finally pluck up the courage and come out to my best friend. She is somebody I had known since I was 10. Her sms to me was simple – “It is okay. I still love you.” Then, after 5 minutes, I got another sms that said – “You’re my first gay best friend! Yay!”. I was grateful and thankful …

But I digress. So, I was talking to an ex. We keep in touch via the Internet as he is now in Canada pursuing his career. We talk regularly as regular as exes do. He is prolly the only ex bf that knows about me being with a girl. His response is always similar – that I am living out every male fantasy; to watch two girls making out would be ultra fabulous. At first, I found it amusing that he’d say that but when that statement is made again and again, I felt belittled. Did he just refer to my gf and I as a sexual fantasy?

It pains me to think that all men (straight men) think about when it comes to two girls being together is how good it’d be to get these two girls in bed. With them, mind you. How watching these two girls would ‘get them off’. Do they not realise that apart from that sexual image that is etched in their minds, there is love, trust, unity, longing for each other? All elements of a healthy relationship existing in this relationship as well?

My ex has even gone so far as to suggest a threesome. At that point, I felt like I had to put a stop to things. I told him quite gently and patiently that yes, I am going out with a girl whom I am deeply in love with and yes, perhaps it is a thought that is quite sexy and erotic in nature. However, this sexiness and eroticness is only to be kept between her and I in the bedroom or wherever else we decide to do it *grin* That I would never want to share my baby with anybody else, really. To engage in a threesome would taint the sanctity of our relationship. To engage in a threesome with an ex to satisfy his sexual fantasy would degrade my present relationship with my love.

I think people should be a little more respectful towards others. If you do that with straight people… why not with me and my girl. We deserve that same respect too.


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