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3 words, 3 friends, 3 aspects

on . Posted in Coming Out.

This is written by Mint.

After a moment of silence, I looked straight into my friend’s eyes with trust and sincerity, and three words came out of my mouth.

I said, “I like girls.

Friend A is from Shanghai. She came to Singapore when she was 13 years of age. After almost 10 years, she is “Singaporified”- speaking in Singlish and eating laksa. However, when I spoke the words above, I was not sure if she could accept it due to her upbringing by her conservative parents.

Thus, before she replied, I said, “ok, you’re allowed to stand 3m away from me next time.”
“No! I will stand closer, ‘cos I know I’m not your type.”
Thanks friend, you really know me well.

A friend once told me that when she came out to her friend, her friend asked, “why didn’t you like me?"

Silly question indeed.

Nonetheless, I came up with a good reply cum rebuke just in case I am faced with the same question:”Hey, you are straight but do you fall for every single man under the sun?!”

Alas, I have yet a chance to showcase my 'proudly created rebuke'.

I was in Billy Bombers with Friend B, discussing the juicy topic of who-do-you-like-recently (can’t replace this with “love life”, ’cause we are both single). Our conversation was in Chinese in which the 3rd person pronoun has no gender reference. Along the way, she commented that my crush is “so short in height for a guy”. Then I gave my line…
“I like girls.”
“Why did you tell me only now?”
“Er… are you shocked?”
“No problem, we have seen a lot back in school.”
Friend, I had a crush on you when we were in Secondary 4.

I did not meet Friend C through Fridae nor all girls’ parties. We met through work. However, during our first encounter, I 'sensed' that we share the same sexual orientation. Four hours after we first spoke to each other, I gave that line.
“I like girls.”
“When did you know?”
“I knew since I was young."
For her, she knew it 3 years ago. I wonder what happened, but I didn’t ask.

I was once told “knowing” and “coming out” are two different issues.
“Knowing” is being aware that you had feelings for girls. “Coming out” is accepting this fact after struggles from within. Call me abnormal if you wish, but to me, I never come out, because I didn’t experience struggles from within.

To put it in a nice way, I accepted my orientation gracefully. To put it in a not-so-nice way, I wasn't bothered with it. Perhaps, for me, “knowing” and “coming out” is integrated. However, it is only this year that I began crawling out of my closet, with the start of a Fridae account.

The night before I went for my first Sayoni gathering, my younger sister asked whether I was sure about turning up.
“What if you become a star next time and the photos of Sayoni gathering with you inside ended up published in tabloids?”
“Me, a star? Zero possibility.”

Well, I understand the concerns my sister had. She felt that my reputation (do I have one?) is at stake in this homophobic society. Turning up for the gathering is a higher degree of confirmation of my orientation as it is a physical appearance, unlike discussing in forums virtually. What if I become a famous figure next time?! Come whatever, I am prepared to take responsibilities for my own actions. Not only on this matter, other aspects of life too


# ww. 2010-02-01 23:54

w. said,

June 25, 2006 at 10:55 pm

Nicely written.

I once used a derivative of your comeback on a friend who was telling me that she was “scared” of her lesbian friend – scared that the friend might like her.

I just asked her if she had any straight male friends, and why then she wasn’t equally scared of them. :)
# lublubb 2010-02-01 23:55

lublub said,

June 25, 2006 at 11:06 pm

lol, my friend used to ask me the same qn, ‘Why don’t you like me?’

And i’m thinking… be careful what you wish for.. =P
# Mier 2010-02-01 23:55

Mier said,

June 26, 2006 at 7:37 pm

None of my friends asked me that question. I think in their minds, it’s the butch-femme binary. Haha. Since i am so femme to them, they decided that they couldn’t be my eye-candy. More stereotypes coming up~!

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