Standing up for ourselves

I was sitting in the auditorium of Peking University on a Sunday evening, and waiting for a film screening to begin. I glanced around casually while reading a book, and watched as the students entered alone, or in small groups, and taking their seats, chattering away or buried in their insatiable need to work on Mathematics problems constantly.

Two days ago, I was loitering around in the campus of PKU, and I got a pamphlet handed to me as I walked past an area full of bazaar stalls. I looked up, and saw a fair bespectacled boy smiling at me. It was a gay documentary film screening organized by the Red Cross Society in PKU. The guy assured that non-students are welcomed too, and so I made a mental note to attend. (Never mind that I would have to go alone, as my only possible companion would be on the train back to Shanghai by then.)

So here I am, sitting together with all the students, watching the jumbled conversations about casual sex and random relationships. The angle of the film wasn’t well-taken, and the entire editing felt too raw. I felt entirely perturbed by the generous portrayal of their drag antics, without making the effort to explore their mentality and their psychological needs.

During the Q & A session, there were participants raising various questions, from why the director decided to film this documentary to how he managed to join the gay community. My gaydar beeped occasionally.

There was this young woman in her twenties who was claiming homosexuality is immoral and probably caused by failures in relationships or societal influence. I couldn’t stop rolling my eyes at that postulation. If this were true, I would have turned straight long time ago, given all the people who broke my heart (?!) were women.

In fact, I found it rather bewildering that she felt so strongly against homosexuality, and she practically got all aggravated when the moderator of the discussion told her that they are hoping to push for same-sex marriage in China.

The moderator of the discussion tried to explain to her that according to research, there is no evidence to show that homosexuality is due to upbringing or societal practices. The woman seems agitated and she kept urging the organizers to consider all the implications of endorsing homosexuality. I was incredibly annoyed by all the theoretical tone in this discussion, as if homosexuals are all hiding in a dark corner, waiting for others to determine whether it is moral to be gay.

I raised my hand and spoke up, ‘I can verify what he said, that homosexuality is inborn, because I am gay myself. I did not turn gay because of failed relationships with men or societal factors. If you want proof, I am right in front of you now, and I am the proof.’

A big round of applause broke out in the auditorium; I felt a bit taken aback and yet pleasantly surprised at this affirming response. That woman’s expression on her face was priceless.

The discussion continued, with a slightly off-tangent debate about religions, as the homophobic woman admitted that she is a devoted Christian. Another young man stood up to announce that he is Christian too, but he believes that God loves everyone, including gays and lesbians.

After the entire event, there were vibrant discussions in the auditorium, and people crowded into groups, chatting and exchanging email addresses and mobile numbers. I was heartened to see that quite a number of people approaching the homophobic woman, asking her why she felt so strongly against homosexuals, especially since she claimed that she doesn’t know any gay person in her life.

The voice of the gay person has been elusive for too long, in any debate for gay rights and morality. Too often, we get entangled in endless theoretical debates. I keep wondering whether it is more effective to stand up to homophobes and tell them directly. ‘Yes, I am gay and I am deeply offended by what you said.’

It is so much harder to bash or condemn someone who is standing right in front of you as a real person. I hope all those who were present that evening, know that homosexuals are just like everyone else, because a girl came out to all of them, by standing up to a homophobe.

Beijing was still rather cold at night, even though it was already mid-May. I walked out of the campus, feeling all warm and fuzzy inside.