Mum & Homophobia (Ignorance)

The pleasant trip was tainted somewhat when she made a remark about how lesbians won t last in relationships  and cited how some of the tomboys she knew in her teenage years were later married to men. I happily told her that some of the lesbians i now know were married to men. It goes both ways. And they come with children from the straight marriage they had.

This whole conversation started when i told her of my secondary school good friend, Clarise. She s from China but brought up in Singapore. As a result, she had to contend with parents of a passe mentality. Her parents were stubbornly against her current boyfriend because she hadn t asked for their approval before falling for him. [Please don t tell me how dumb that is  i feel it in my little toes.] So, Mum was going, ‘I don t understand Clarise’s parents. At least her daughter isn’t lesbian!...’

‘Ya Ma, i am the worst daughter.’

And she lapsed into this verbal fit. ‘You don’t cherish your family like you should.’
To which i retorted immediately, ‘Mum, we are at the beach cycling! I have other things i can do.’ That did it. Because i am the only one that would go to the beach without complaints with her in the family. My sister hated bugs of all sorts. I have an intense disdain for mosquito bites but that risk is worth taking for Mum’s happiness. [I was bitten by vicious mosquitoes four times during the trip and i am still scratching!] And i certainly ain t into slow cycling. I speed.

The next thing we argued about is: about how conservative society is and whether it should be. I had to tell her about the phenomenon in the world. Why are gay groups standing up for themselves world-wide? Just because she doesn’t know of them doesn’t mean such events ain’t happening. This little speech didn’t go down very well with Mum who sarcastically replied, ‘Ya, i know nothing; you know everything!’ [I took this as ‘I don’t know what to say because i know nuts about what you just mentioned.’]

Most absurd of all, she wanted to challenge me on my sexual orientation. ‘You aren t lesbian. You made yourself lesbian so that you can enter this circle.’ *Har?* I didn’t know i had such prowess as to amend my orientation! The ex-gays would recruit me and i would be paid $30 000- $50 000 for each person i managed to change. [I bet they are willing to part with that amount for all the condemnation sh*t they get from church.] I had to refrain from rolling my eyes. I am hedonic. Do you think i will be with women if i find no physical chemistry with them?!

At the end of it all, Mum suggested a truce.
Mum:  Just don’t tell me about it.
Me:  Then you won t know about my life and what i am doing. What kind of a mother-daughter relationship is that?

She’s still in denial.
It s a little pussy-foot dance that she has been doing for the past few years.

Anj, i thought your Mum always get her way with you?

Not when it comes to fundamental aspects of me and for issues that are for the better good of other lives. People have killed themselves over homophobia [read: ignorance] and the resulting hostility directed at them. How can we condone this?

As a result, i refused to say that Dino s girlfriend is only her friend. I say it as it is. Judy is my girlfriend. She s not just a friend. And for every inaccurate remark Mum makes about homosexuality, i am quick to correct her with what i know from research and the news. That’s just the way it is. There has to be accountability to words. If education doesn’t start from my family and friends, i don’t know where it can.