This post is by guest writer Ellen the Generous. It is tongue-in-cheek humour that's not intended as coming out advice, but the writer does hope you have a good laugh over it!
I thought I would share my coming out experience with readers, since I successfully came out to my parents. If the following fails, have a good laugh about it and then go get a better coming out guide. There's one by Sayoni.
On the day you’ve decided to make the leap, take your parents out for a great dinner.
Choose a day when a movie with a gender-bending/gay/lesbian theme is being screened. Take them to it.
Note 1: Ensure that the movie is still being screened. Buy tickets early!
Attempt to discuss the movie with Mum and Dad – if you manage to catch it.
If there was no movie, go to Step 3b.
Bravely start your coming out speech to your parents in the car – or taxi, buses are not a good idea – while you are driving.
Note 2: I suggest saying it in the car because they can't avoid the topic; they are stuck with you and have to listen. The fact that you are the driver (or someone else is, in the case of a taxi) prevents accidents should Mum or Dad go into shock or become hysterical.
Start by asking Dad to name your ex-girlfriends.
For example, "Dad, you do notice that I only bring girls home? The first was _______ (With pause here for Dad to fill in her name), the second _______, and…."
Note 3: It’s tough for Dad if you have many ex-girlfriends. This approach may only work for those with three girlfriends or less.
Explain to Mum repeatedly that you can marry... but only to a woman, stressing that being lesbian is not about not getting married.
The conversation went like this for me:
“Mum, you do notice I don't have boyfriends but only girlfriends....”
“It's okay if you don't get married...”
“Mum, I'm saying I don't like boys! I only like girls!”
“It's okay. I know of friends or relatives whose daughters also are not married….”
“Mum! I only love WOMEN!”
“It's ok. You and your sister can take care of each other.”
“Mum! I can marry and hope to marry one day but I'll only marry a woman!”
“It's okay if you don't get married.”
“Mum, I'm saying I'm a lesbian! I only love women!”
“It's ok. My friend's five daughters are all not married too.”
Well, you may have better luck than me.
All the best in your coming out journey!