Events

Twittereport: “Are We There Yet?”

Written by sayoni on 23 August 2009. Posted in Events

Yesterday Sayoni organised a forum titled “Are We There Yet?” for Indignation. For those who could not make it, the event was covered live on our twitter. We reproduce the report here for you. We also would like to take this opportunity to thank all the people who made this event possible – photo/videographers, ushers, receptionists, logistics, voluntweers (ie the volunteer tweeters), and just anyone who helped out.

Time	Update
Sat Aug 22 19:32:54	Things are being set up for “Are We There Yet”. This event is going to be reported live on twitter! #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 19:40:40	People are filing into the room rapidly #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 19:54:24	We haven’t started yet, but the crowd is 60 people and counting! There look to be more coming. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:00:55	The panellists are taking their seats. We are about to start “Are we there yet?” Kelly is welcoming everyone to the Sayoni forum. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:03:07	The speakers are Alexandra Serrenti, Raqvind, Hui Yee, Swee Jean, and Jean. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:04:32	Kelly: The first issue for the night is about the AWARE saga. Many queer women voted against the new exco and rallied others. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:06:44	Alex is speaking on her concerns with the ex-new exco. It only began an issue on sexuality later, after TSM appeared. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:08:02	Alex: Would like to thank TSM for getting her involved in the community again. We as queer women need to speak up for ourselves #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:08:52	Would like to encourage everyone to think abt their role as gay people and their involvement in the community. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:10:01	Someone from the floor is saying that she identifies as a woman first and then as a lesbian, therefore wld speak up #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:11:05	Jean: First impression was familiar names in AWARE from letter-writing #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:11:51	Raqvind: The EGM was important in bringing up the gay issue, in everyday life as well. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:14:30	Kelly has changed to a new PPT slide. New Exco’s stand vs Old Guard.CSE,SpiderLilies/Old Guard included queer women direct svcs etc #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:15:53	Floor: AWARE is neutral, simply tries to include all aspects of ‘woman’. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:16:37	Kelly: Have your expectations shifted after the EGM? Several hands raised.#indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:17:24	Hui Yee: More about people, not just gay people, in Singapore making their voices heard. AWARE not explicitly gay-friendly. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:18:33	Swee Jean (SJ): Should not downplay it; there were in fact many gay women in grp, played a significant part in the reaction & votes #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:19:29	SJ: Standing up for self as lesbian and as women. Deeply disturbed that grp of unknowns wld do this. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:21:21	Jean (JC): How many were here at Constance Singam’s talk? (Many hands raised) angry crowd of gay women etc. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:21:34	About 70 people in the room, including the speakers. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:23:22	Floor: Question abt whether it is a problem to conflate sexuality and women’s issues #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:24:46	Floor: Abortion is never a lesbian issue? Sorry, but we are a subgroup within women. There are still lesbians who are dealg w/issue #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:25:26	Kelly (KT): In Constance’s talk, she felt that Aware was doing enough by includg queer women. Not identity-based advocacy #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:26:03	KT: …but issues-based advocacy. Don’t queer women have it pretty good already? some people ask. Will introduce the survey 2008 #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:28:07	KT: … also doing a report related to CEDAW. Survey findgs: (1) Education. Women experience attraction mostly in teenage yrs #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:29:45	KT: How did you relate to that (i.e. lesbianism excluded from official sex education) in growing yrs? #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:31:07	JC: No role models in youth-seen as deviance. Coping w/shame,religion. Had wished for female role models. Instead, she had Alex Au #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:32:32	JC: Constance’s book abt history of women in Sg, did not mention queer women. Does not blame her… Cannot wait for pple to do this #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:33:35	Alex Au: First met her in Sept 1997 (around there), when he was invited to give a talk at Substation. Constance was present. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:34:11	AA: …talk on basic sexual orientation. After the talk, she approached him and said she didn’t know who to ask abt these things. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:35:46	SJ: Comments on CSE – heartened to hear abt CSE, difficult to hear that it has been withdrawn. Wld hv been wonderful in sec sch. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:36:54	SJ: … to have been treated normally at that age if u talked to a teacher/dressed tomboyishly. Hope tt it’ll become more inclusive #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:39:00	HY: Had a qn once abt how 2 women have sex. We shld forgive them for not knowing. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:40:36	HY: At Women’s Night, we focus on learning fr each other. Focus on sharing. Be brave enough to share that bit of us. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:42:20	Floor: Heard a talk once where it was said that it was immoral & unnatural. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:42:40	Floor: Tried to take a neutral stand in health edn. Saddened for young pple in Sg. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:44:11	Floor: As someone who’s bisexual, told mother she was attracted 2 women, was told it was a phase. At 22 realised cld not be phase #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:44:30	Floor: …impt to teach women how to identify if the attraction is real #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:44:54	Floor: Heterosexuals have support grps while gay people do not. She got to know Sayoni by chance on FB. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:45:31	AA: (desperately needs to respond) The problem of knowing when puppy love is phase or the real thing. But why is that impt? #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:46:20	AA: …so what if it is a phase? Trying to distinguish btw phasic love and non-phasic love (laughter)… #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:46:43	AA: …it means that if it is a phase, we will get told it can’t be real & we need to change! So what if it is a phase? #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:48:05	Floor: They say it is a phase because no one wants their kids to be gay! Even in countries where gay rights r advanced, same prob #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:48:39	Floor: …Long way to go. Shld be positive and say it’s okay. Not the most impt thing #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:49:34	AA: Why do we talk down experimentation? #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:50:37	Floor: People can’t accept it now, need to push people slowly along. We’re not there yet. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:51:39	KT: Topic (2) Identity and Media Representation. Respondents thought sexuality was most impt aspect of identity, followed by gender #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:52:38	[Slide: fines and censorship by MDA for portrayal of same-sex activity or rships as normal] #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:53:26	Alex (AS): Within any self, there are multiple identities. At some time, diff identities come to the fore due to circumstances. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:56:09	AS: Impt we don’t lose sight of multiple id–multiple racial id was similar to being gay, developd rsources fr being racially mixed #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:57:04	AS: Many people have never seen a gay relationship. Would be gd for more people to know #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 20:57:42	JC: Karen has just published an autobiography about her life #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:00:00	KT: Maybe we can start by asking broadcasters to stop censorship. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:02:05	Floor: Normal to have two mummies in certain parts. Can’t censor whole world. I see an earthquake buildg. At what pt will Sg stop? #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:04:28	SJ: Mediacorp has limitations, limited budgets. Hard to say when it will stop, but there are many more channels now. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:05:32	SJ: Just boycott any media outlets that seem homophobic. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:06:26	[Slide: Workplace: 96% perceive some amt of discrimination at work. Lack of recourse in event of discr. Only MNCs.] #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:07:30	Floor: Reveals to interviewer that she is gay. Your own perception becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Depends on yr own ability. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:08:15	Floor: Can bring it up to MOM #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:08:30	KT: No dispute mechanism here #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:09:02	Floor: Over $1500, not covered by Employment Act #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:09:32	[Slide: 38% in monogamous rship, 10% dating, 44% single] #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:10:17	KT: How many of you would want to get married? [About 50% raises hands.]
Sat Aug 22 21:12:12	[Slide: Marriage privileges -- Right to share family name, property ownership. HDB subsidy. Medical rights, next of kin rights.] #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:14:39	[Slide: Employment benefits. Spousal or family violence. Divorce or death of spouse. Travel. Parenting and adoption. Income tax.] #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:15:41	[Slide: Worrying signs from survey. Almost 1 in 4 had income < $20 000] #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:16:08	KT: What is to be done? #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:17:41	Raqvind (RK): The more you normalise it, the less fearful they are. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:20:01	HY: Don’t be limited by yr imagination 2 wat exists presently. Many types feminism out there. Only 1 feminist org, can form more. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:20:31	Floor: Form sexual minorities org? #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:21:57	HY: Find it within yourself to start new movements, causes. New feminist orgs don’t even hv to be formerly affliated w/AWARE #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:24:22	Floor: Been with AWARE 4 many years. Never felt discriminated against. EGM brought out +ve things. Totally for forming new grps #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:25:58	Floor: …No real conflict between AWARE and lesbians. Was amazed by EGM, J and K. Act of doing somethg is itself empowering. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:26:52	Floor: …Many new women have come forward. Sometimes more strategic to form a separate grp. Keep EGM spirit alive. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:29:10	AA: Once every 10 years, government sets censorship guidelines. Censorship Review Committee has been set up. Media rep impt. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:30:32	Floor: Started 1st gay org in India. They never thought change wld happen. July 2nd, verdict validated hard work 4 past 15 yrs. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:31:41	Floor: Stem cell technology — tech will become mainstream. Once gay pple can reproduce, it becomes normative. Use economy, etc. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:33:04	AS: One other type of censorship we don’t normally talk abt–shld we tell our colleagues, parents? Diff when someone u know… #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:33:47	AS: …tells you. Not little perverts who are sexually broken, diff in a fundamental way. Esp in Sg. “Conservative Asian society”. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:34:07	AS: …need to show that homosexuality is at least as much a part of our conservative Asian society #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:34:29	KT: Coming out had single largest impact on whether they wld agree to same sex marriage. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:37:24	Floor: Visibility, period. Don’t hv to join grps for that. Be visible as individuals. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:39:11	SJ: In answering qn what’s next, need 2 look at qn on diff lvls. Grassroots lvl can’t be emphasised enough, comes bk 2 comng out. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:39:37	SJ: need to work on every front. All need to take more resp. Participate in something you believe in. As simple as that. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:41:44	Floor: One thing gay pple shld always rem. Be very gd in what you do. Work v hard, be the boss if yr boss discriminates against u. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:42:48	Floor: …have to work on financial side. Coming out, hv to take one more step. Don’t forget the burden u place on parents… #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:43:15	Floor: …when coming out to them. Work with parents. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:44:39	AS: Other forms of coming out. Not event but process. Sometimes took chances on cming out to ppl where they were distraught… #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:45:20	AS: …slow consistent work.Extending the hospitality of our rship to these people as well. Act of resp to the people u come out to #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:45:32	AS: …take a chance on the hard cases. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:48:28	Floor: Very important to show people that we are out there. When we forge ahead, we have to leave some history behind, next gen. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:54:45	New youth grp for gay teens! Between ages of 16 and 21 — Young Out Here. #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:55:29	Sayoni will be conducting another event on 29th Aug. United We Fall, Divided We Stand. Common grd between gay men and women? #indigsg
Sat Aug 22 21:55:51	KT is thanking the panellists. Thank you for reading! #indigsg

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Launch of Coming Out Guide (Preliminary Version)

Written by sayoni on 22 August 2009. Posted in Coming Out

Sayoni presents the first ever Coming Out Guide in Singapore. Please provide your feedback on the guide through this link [DO NOT CLICK: WINDOW FOR FEEDBACK HAS PASSED]

(Update: You can download the word document version of the guide here)

This preliminary version of the guide was launched on 1 August, at the opening of IndigNation 2009, Singapore’s pride season. Anj Ho, the leader of the team who put together the Guide, gave a short address, reproduced here:

When I first saw the design of cover for the guide, I laughed.

It reflects the question of someone wondering apprehensively. 'What if', and then tapers off to a whisper, 'I'm gay?' Half-hidden, almost as if one is afraid to ask, and even more afraid to say the words 'I'm gay'.

Then the words in small print: 'a coming out guide', small enough to embolden the cautious questioning person to pick up the guide and walk away with it; clear enough so that those seeking will not miss it.

It speaks to those whom we hope to reach:
questioning,
struggling,
fearful...
essentially, anyone who finds difficulty in communicating about her or his sexual orientation.

The first memory I had of experiencing great injustice was an article in TODAY, written by one of our infamous law professors. [I shall refrain from speaking the name, but you know we only have 2, so it's not hard to guess.]

She quoted a study in which Exodus ex-gays reported being free from homosexuality, reinforcing homosexuality as a mental illness and the possibility of a 'cure'. She conveniently left out numerous other studies that spoke of reparative therapy as harmful and ineffective. Spitzer, the researcher whose study she quoted, was up in arms against anti-gay groups who misused his study.

This is the problem. There is a massive amount of information, but sometimes, we hear some parts more often than others. At other times, information is not readily available or digestible. How do we ascertain that what we received is accurate or not?

We need to critique the information we have, or else we will fall into the trap of whoever speaks the loudest or seems the most credible, is seen as 'right'.

Another incident took place in a small forum. A group of gay people, who were attached for some years, sat on the panel. Someone from the audience asked, 'How long do gay relationships last?'

One by one, the panelists shared, that for some reason, most gay relationships dissolve by the 7th year. Someone added, that since lesbian relationships are so intense, you have to multiply the duration by a few times to match the duration equivalence of straight relationships. The forum ended on that note.

If gay relationships cannot last, I have nothing to say, but this is not true. It is one thing for an anti-gay person to think so; it is quite another for a gay person to internalize all these.

What I have shared are some of the common myths of gay people. In Sayoni's coming out guide, we address common myths and point out how to spot myths.

Having such knowledge before coming out is critical to a gay person's sense of self and esteem. It enables one to weather the possibly arduous coming out process better. The guide is certainly not exhaustive, but it's a start.

Following these, we also looked at the pros and cons of coming out, to oneself, at work/school, to friends and family. We rounded off the book with a few coming out stories. We are still waiting for more stories to come in.

I am grateful to Sayoni for this opportunity to be part of the coming out guide and to the Global Fund for Women for supporting this project. I would love to acknowledge the writers and the designer in this 7-person team for their time and effort. Thank you also, to everyone who contributed stories. Without all of you, this guide would not have been possible.

Please feel free to give your feedback and comments on the guide over the next three months. This guide will later be published and made available at various locations around Singapore.

With this, I thank you for listening.

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Indignation 2008: What’s inside the head of homophobes

Written by sayoni on 09 August 2009. Posted in Events

'It's so disgusting to see two men getting intimate!'
'Lesbian sex is unfathomable.'
'Homosexuals shouldn't exist on this planet.'

Which of these statements is/are homophobic in nature?

AnJ Ho will take you inside homophobia, to find out from the perspective of research: What constitutes homophobia? What's the profile of a typical homophobe like, and what might make a difference?

AnJ undertakes research at a local tertiary institution. Her research interests revolve around social psychology.

Date: Tuesday, 12 August 2008
Time: 7:30 pm
Venue: 72-13

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Coming out stories I

Written by sayoni on 08 August 2009. Posted in Coming Out

In conjunction with the launch of Sayoni’s coming out guide, Sayoni presents Singaporean coming out stories.

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My earliest concrete memory of questioning my sexuality happened at Sec 2. I was developing feelings for a girl who seemed to have taken a liking towards me during this time.

What I remember was the rush of adrenaline whenever I saw her, the feeling of warmth whenever she smiled at me, and the crazy things I did in order to accidentally ‘bump’ into her. At that time, my dad (probably noticing my close friendship), spoke to me about how it was normal for adolescents to develop crushes on their same-sex peers during their development. This piece of information sustained and comforted me during early adolescence because it told me that I was okay and that those feelings would go away.

My next significant memory happened in late adolescence. A girl whom I liked (at this time, I convinced myself I only liked her as a friend) fell down and hurt herself. Upon physically helping her, I experienced such an overpowering, indescribable sensation in my body that I had to excuse myself to go to the ladies. Safe inside the toilet cubicle, I exclaimed to myself, ‘God you are screwed! You are so gay’’

I didn’t tell anyone during this time because I had no idea what was happening to me. I did not want to have these ‘special’ feelings towards any girl and I desperately clung onto my dad’s words years before that it was a natural part of my development and would go away. Even when I hit my 20s, I reassured myself that I was a late developer and my attraction to boys would come when I had ‘developed’. Even when I was with my first girlfriend in my 20s, I would question my gayness because a part of me felt that my relationship was ‘a friendship gone wrong’ and did not mean that I was gay. I resisted the concept so much that I kept this relationship a secret for so long, even among my closest friends, even among friends who were themselves gay.

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Indignation 09: Are We There Yet?

Written by sayoni on 08 August 2009. Posted in Events

Date: Saturday, August 22, 2009
Time: 7:45pm – 10:30pm
Location: 72-13 (View Map)

RSVP on Facebook.

The AWARE saga and proposed Penal Code amendments provoked discussion about gender, sexuality and equality. Where were queer women in the discussions? What is our agenda and how should we represent ourselves?

Findings from Sayoni’s bi-ennial national survey of queer women in Singapore are presented and a panel of eminent queer women start the discussion.

Sayoni’s annual Indignation forum is a much-anticipated highlight of the queer woman’s calendar and this year is no different. All are welcome. You wouldn’t want to miss this.

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News and Opinions

Twittereport: “Are We There Yet?”

Launch of Coming Out Guide (Preliminary Version)

Indignation 2008: What’s inside the head of homophobes

Coming out stories I

Indignation 09: Are We There Yet?

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